Rude Words

Predictably enough, to be a famous writer with my novels displayed in the window of WH Smith.  I wrote my first novel when I was 8.

Sitting in a modern art gallery off Regent Street handing out brochures and smiling sweetly at the punters.  Also handing round drinks at private views where I met various celebrities including Princess Margaret!  I regularly got propositioned by artists including a lovely Irish one called Clancy who succeeded in painting my portrait.  I wish I had it now – I was in my pre-Raphaelite prime at 18 years old!

I have always written non fiction features for national newspapers and have an enormous collection of rejection slips for my ‘literary’ submissions, but it was a rejection from Mills and Boon that spurred me into erotic action when they rejected one submission because the sex was too explicit!  I decided to turn that obvious ability into a money-making talent and my first erotic short story was born.

Madonna because what she does everyone follows, and she’s soooo dirty.

Ask endless questions about my ‘research’ and nudge my husband.

Eating out, drinking sauvignon blanc, planning and going on holidays, reading, watching movies and sleeping.

Harry Hill and Jeremy Clarkson.  Sorry, girls, but they are so clever and Clarkson absolutely feasts on the power of words and language for hilarious effect.  Also the ‘Little Britain’ and ‘Weird and Wonderful’ snippets of the Sunday Times reporting ridiculous but true stories from around the world.

Health and Safety jobsworths stopping you baking cakes and climbing trees, CRB checks making you feel like a pervert, decent people being taken to court while the real horrors are let out of prison early, bankers getting bonuses - in fact everything to do with this rotten government.

Loving, bohemian, opinionated.

I have multiple sclerosis.